I am done with my crippling self-doubt

I am done with my crippling self-doubt!

I’m sitting in a café right now, nurturing a cup of black chai tea (that came along with a little jug of honey) – oh how I love that little jug of honey! Anyway, I had a conversation with a woman this week who had forgotten that the world was her oyster and she was besieged by self-doubt and it struck something quite deep in me…

…I remember a time too when I was beset by so much self-doubt I simply could not move.  And I thought I must write to you about this – because self-doubt literally stops you in your tracks.

And I want you to be famous or happy or in love or successful or whatever it is that you know is for you.  So I’ve written this for you to make your self-doubt THE LEAST IMPORTANT PART OF YOU.  Because you see this is your time….and back then – back then I realised this was my time too…”damn it!” I thought, as I passed a mirror and saw my reflection some years back…

…I am done with my crippling self-doubt.

You see me and think I have it all – the shiny hair, the vivacious laugh, the sexy stride – you see me and could not imagine, even for an instant that I am battling with crippling self-doubt.  And I call it crippling because it’s stopped me in my tracks for so many years you see – it’s stopped my brilliance from shining out at you.

For fear of your rejection ridicule, for fear of failing and you thinking I’m stupid and useless and mostly – for fear of being brilliant. You see I’m scared of being brilliant.  Utterly. For all that it will bring. How egotistical. How boring.  And then I uttered those immortal words as I passed that dammed mirror…

Who am I to be brilliant?

(I was having a Marianne Williamson moment.)

Do I really deserve it with all the success it will bring?

I mean really?

God made me brilliant but I’ve been rejecting it ever since I realised.

Too much then to stand out…

But what if…I just took a chance and just put a tiny bit of my brilliance out there – like a small 10%?– shall I just see?  See what happens?   See if it helps you?  See if this thing works for me?  Dip my toes in and see if I like it even?

Yes you see I AM DONE WITH MY CRIPPLING SELF-DOUBT ever since I decided to start with my 10%.  As it grows – my self-doubt dies and bit by bit I begin to believe in myself again – WOOOOO!  It starts small but that’s how I like it when I’m deep in doubt because I can build my confidence up at a pace that suits me.

What would you say if you knew it was safe for you to put 10% of your brilliance out over the next hour?  How would that feel to you? And I’m talking about the area of your life you’ve been holding back on – you know the one I mean!  Are you holding back on really enjoying yourself sexually in your relationship?  Are you holding back from your business?  Your job?  That project?

Are you holding yourself back from that big fat desire that bloody scares you?  All because of doubting your abilities, your attractiveness, your talent, your likeability?

What would that 10% of you putting your brilliance out right now really look like?  Calling that person?  Writing to that person?  Taking a risk?  Shutting out the world now to do that thing?  Asking him out?  Telling them something they need to hear?  Just doing it?  Would you feel better after doing it? Scared? What does it bring up in you?

Remember baby steps maketh the big steps…so ahhh it’s going to be alright, just 10%, just start with 10% – can you do that? It’s going to give you your brilliance back because can you feel it?  You’re done with your crippling self-doubt! What’s your tiny but oh so important 10% step?  I’d love to hear in the comments below – you so deserve to put your brilliance out today in a tiny boat.  Set sail.

You’ll be glad you did.