Boundaries at Christmas

This is a free class I ran today in Facebook to strengthen your boundaries over Christmas.

We’re going to do a meditation together that will make you stronger when you’re with family or anybody you find it hard to say no to and I’ll be able to answer your questions, live at the end. I’m also going to take you through new boundary work I haven’t shared with you before – and it’s also going to be fun! Because let’s face it – boundaries can be s-c-a-r-y to do!

This world is not set up to reward you when you betray your own boundaries.

When you feel more for the other person than for yourself? You’ll break your own boundary of self-love, self-care and self-respect.

That’s the doorway IN for an empathic woman like you, saying YES when you meant NO.

This is when you are more likely to:

… Over-give, become exhausted, get run down, probably have digestive issues, have non-reciprocal/narcissistic relationships that drain you, simply because you feel the other person MORE than yourself during an interaction.

“Can I feel me when I’m with you?”
“Can I see me when I see you?”

If you don’t take up equal space you won’t matter to yourself in a relationship.

Having real compassion for yourself is your fuel for setting your boundary.

It will help you say no when you couldn’t before because you were scared of the backlash, possible rejection and also didn’t want to hurt that person.

I’ve learned a lot about boundaries and how to maintain them when nobody likes them but you.

Here’s what a boundary at Christmas looks like:

“I’m happy to spend Christmas with you but the topic of xxx isn’t OK for me to talk about. I will leave the table if this gets brought up.” (Remember, an ounce of pre-boundary setting is worth a ton of post-boundary explanation.)

Although it might seem scary to actually say this (because it’s also an ultimatum) you’re setting the tone for a respectful, gentle Christmas. Those souls who want the highest relationship with you will respect your boundaries.

If your boundaries are not respected during this conversation or at the table? Stay neutral throughout and simply follow through. No more words are needed because you already said them.

My boundaries ????

“I am allowed to say no to you even if you think I’m wrong for doing so.”

“If you feel rejected when I say no, I know that’s your childhood trauma coming up.”

“If I’m worrying about how you’ll react when I call a boundary, that’s my childhood trauma coming up.”

(By trauma I mean the big stuff we associate with the word and also the socially acceptable traumas like people pleasing, over giving and being the dumping ground for people’s problems in order to avoid their rejection and the backlash we’ve experienced in the past from those who gain from non-reciprocal relationships.)

Self-compassion centres you. During a conversation, ask yourself:

Am I being kind to myself right now?

Keep following that. Self-betrayal is no longer your modus operandi ❤️

I want you to have the strength to say no, when you mean no, so you keep your good feelings Ah-flowing this Christmas!

It’s my gift to you – have a wonderful wonderful Christmas wonderful woman and remember that your happiness is everything!

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Love,