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Home · Coaching and Resources · Free Life Coaching Resources : You + Him

This is inspiration for YOU + HIM to create that love affair for life!

Whether you’ve just had a massive argument...
Whether you’re wondering if you should stay or go
For when you’re feeling happy with him, and you just need…

Did you know that the level of happiness you are currently experiencing in your relationship has everything to do with the relationship you are having with yourself right now and actually very little to do with him? The power sits with you…

Would you like to learn some techniques to get you started on that love affair for life?  Check out the free resources below.

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Do You Know this Guy?

What kind of men have you let into your life?  As your lovers? Bosses? Friends?

When I look back, the ones that have hurt me are the ones who had the most to teach me – about the relationship I was having with myself.

I was talking to a friend last week and she said: “Why don’t you write about the 3 main types of men who have the most to teach us women?”

So I give you Numero Uno:  Surface Guy (S.G)

S.G is the kind of guy you like. I mean really like. He’s gorgeous – he’s got everything you want, and he’s a bit of a catch if you’re honest. And…on the surface yes he is. He’s probably swanning about some office right now garnering pure unadulterated admiration.

Everybody loves this guy!  And they tell you in passing how lucky you are to be with him – they think life with him must be so peachy – with him as your boss, or with him as your lover or close friend…and if he is your lover? They even go as so far to tell you “I wish my husband was like yours!” 

And it dawns on you. Damn! I’m just not feeling it! I want to roll my eyes when people say this – if only they knew! This man is everything everyone wants him to be! But underneath what he says to everyone?

  • He says one thing and does another (I’ll be home soon) and isn’t.
  • Hurts you deeply but manages (again) to somehow come out on top. How does he do this?
  • He actually gives you very little when you think back because he’s all talk see?  And no action.
  • He treats you well on the surface but in reality takes advantage of your giving nature, and isn’t there for you like you’re there for him.
  • He always get’s his needs met.  Him 1st. You? Mostly last.

He’s a big fat fake.

But only you know.

You’re just his cushion to fall back on at night.  And boy aren’t you squashed?

hotguy_bigSo what can this guy teach us?

1.That fake behaviour towards you can only come in through the front door when it’s a match for your internal home of emotions. (ie he can only be fake when you are fake towards yourself.)  And how are you fake with yourself?  By overiding your true raw feelings with “it’s alright, he’s got a lot on his plate right now” or whatever balm you put over your hurt. So S.G teaches you that he couldn’t possibly do this to you if you weren’t already doing it inside.

2. That you are worth the kind of man you used to dream of – hell yeah!

3. To make a stand for yourself – tell him how his behaviour really makes you feel and act upon it. Stick to your guns, because it’s here you honour yourself no matter what he says.  It’s here that you are willing to go for what you really want and so deserve this lifetime. And it’s going to feel both liberating and yes scary.

But you’ll be free!

Once you are genuine with how things really affect you, this man is free to become the man you always knew he could become.  Or the sexiest most gentle guy with your heart can come along because when you open your front door?  He’ll be a match for your gentleness with yourself.

Everything is possible when you are honest with how he really makes you feel. 

S.G’s know how to make you happy, on the surface. If that’s all you want? Puuuurfect! It’s a match. But if you really want the kind of love you used to dream about and know is possible and know you deserve?  Thank this S.G for the lesson.  I know I did.  It’s given me the marriage I have today.  The gift becomes bigger than the hurt and voila! You did it!

You learnt how to become real with yourself within a relationship. 

And that’s how you get real love.

And umm..what’s the second main type of man who has the most to teach us?  Ahh it’s a P.G.  Any guesses??  Keep a look out, he shall be revealed!!

And whilst we’re waiting, I’m curious – what’s been the biggest lesson you’ve learnt from these men you’ve let into your life?

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Make this the Month he Falls Back in Love with You

I know you’re gorgeous and you do too, but in the world of men and women you know how it is; we women can literally feel him turning away from us.  It’s a gradual thing…one moment you’re holding hands; the goodwill that flows back and forth astounds your heart. You are in love with him.  He would do anything for you and you know it.  You’re top of his list, and you feel very loved and very special. You glow.

And you love him.  You want to give back to him and so over the years you’ve continued to put his needs first. What does this mean?  Well, sure your work life and children are in the mix too, but you know him better than he does and pre-empt what he needs often before he does!  It’s just the way you’re made and you know he appreciates it…

…Only somewhere along the way you’ve noticed that although you’re still committed to buying your mother-in-laws birthday present (as if from him) and being thoughtful when it’s his birthday, he’s turned away from you and buried himself in work/a project/golf. And when he returns? He’s distracted.  You want his full attention – you want to grab his big bear of a face, take him by the shoulders and shake him and yell: “Wake up and look at me – I mean really look at me!” But it’s like he doesn’t see you anymore.

He get’s anxious when you cry, sure, but apart from the big dramatic things he’s pulled away from you. Always got his nose into something else. And because he’s always got his nose into something else – TV – sport – everybody else, he misses stuff. Like all the time. Which is enough to piss any gal off after the zillionth time! So you find yourself being angry at him – not in a big way, but when he gets home tonight you’ll tell him what he missed and instead of him saying “I’m sorry;” he’s going to end up saying “here we go again, always criticising me.” To no one in particular.  As if he has an audience.  Only it’s just you. Hurting.

You want to feel desired by him.  That nothing is more important than your happiness.  Like it used to be. You want to be his No.1 and you want to feel that glow in your face again. Because it’s going to infuse you with lightness and your whole day, your work, your success and everything else with happiness. And you haven’t felt alive in such a long time.  Just kind of sucked dry.

And that’s so NOT you!  What would it do for you if you could turn this all around this month?  And what would be the best part?   Would you like to make this month the month he falls back into love with you?  But how much more can you give?

Exactly.

STOP.

Stop giving to him. Stop trying to make everything all right for him.  It turns him off. You as a woman are made to receive. (Woohoo!) And he knows it and will genuinely respond to it in you when you genuinely decide that receiving is important for you, everyday. But you have to drop your anger and focus on you.

You deserve to do this!  This is your month!  If you:

Ask him for what you want today in a way that sounds pleasurable to you and him and make this your new daily habit.
Focus on how you sound when you ask him.  He is really sensitive to your tone. More than you will ever realise.
Appreciate him for all the little things he does do.  He will then want to do more for you no matter how much you doubt this.
Put your fun above getting it all done all of the time.

This is your month for him to fall back in love with you.

And it begins when you decide to focus on your happiness.

Yes there is room for you to do that.

Watch his responses. With regular dedication on your part to your happiness he will turn back towards you and give you his full attention. It really is the way you were made – trust me, thousands of clients cannot be wrong. You are about to be desired like never before and I can’t think of a more deserved woman than you.

Tell me – what is genuinely important for you to receive this week – for you?  Let me know in the comments below!

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You’re Not Listening to Me!

You’re NOT listening to me! My Podcast is now available on iTunes. It delves into the psychology of men and how his mind thinks as soon as you ask him to do something. I explain in this interview how to ask for what you want from men, because I’m no different to you, I have deadlines, I’m busy, and this didn’t come naturally to me at first either!

It’s free for a limited time, click here to listen x

If you find yourself saying:

“You’re NOT listening to me!”

“Why do you always…?”

“Why do I bother??”

“Honestly it’s quicker to do it myself!”

Then this is for you!

When we women have a packed day we have two options at our fingertips:

1. Schedule it like a Ninja, run between things, eat lunch running, standing, whilst doing.

or

2. Ask for what we want, need, must have, excitedly desire, are desperate for, hourly.

Which one did you do today?  Let me know in the comments below!

I did no.2 – I asked with pleasure and it really added to my mood, day and projects. I’ve trained myself to do it because it doesn’t come naturally to me.

My natural inclination is to partake in no.1 and it used to put me in a bad mood. I could scratch your eyes out at 20 paces if you came even close to me after a day of doing No.1 and sometimes, just sometimes I find myself beginning to embark on no.1 again.

Listen here as I explain in this interview how to ask for what you want, because I’m just like you – and I tend to get overwhelmed quickly as I’m quite sensitive.

I was invited to this interview, which is a Podcast available on iTunes NOW.

Click here to listen  

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How do You Keep Him Interested in You?

What’s a woman got to do to attract a man and then keep her man attracted to her for the whole rest of her life?

Be beautiful?

Be his dream girl?

Make him happy and excited?

Turn him on sexually?

Oh it’s an awful lot of trying isn’t it?

I got a letter (yes a real one!)  from a woman yesterday asking me what she should do to keep her relationship strong. She told me all the things she was doing and yet she said, “I still know in my heart of hearts that he isn’t as attracted to me as he once was.” She can feel the death knell but is holding on tight.

Hmm…the word strong – not exactly what we women look forward to at the end of the day is it? I don’t look forward to having a strong relationship with my husband or keeping him interested at the end of the day. Feels more like something I have to try to do. To work towards having a strong relationship. And how many times have we heard that sentence? A right turn off.

I already have a day job, don’t you?

This wonderful woman who has written to me is tired. Tired of all the trying. And let’s face it, it’s tiring for us women to keep trying to make someone do something. It’s boring for you and at worst it chips away at your confidence. Trying all the time saps a woman’s life force. The job of trying to keep a man stay intimate and loving with you for the whole rest of your life – it’s a big job and it’s one I don’t choose to say yes to even though it’s offered to me via most magazine’s and experts. No thank you. I pass.

So what’s a gal to do?

What do you do with the men or man in your life?

Me? I look at the men and man in my life as my dream men. They make my dreams come true. And I adore them for it! They know how to make me really, really happy because I ask them for it.Regularly. And because they do, it infuses them with more confidence to make me more happy in the future. My happiness inspires them. Muses are always women. You inspire him when you share your desire with him. There aren’t many women out there really sharing their dreams and outrageous wants daily with their men. Are you?

He wins when you do. Yes truly. So gently drop your past disappointments and ask him. A man will always rise to your expectation of him or fall if you are doing everything yourself. Ask him for one small desire today. What can he do for you today to make your day easier? It might to take the bins out or to make you dinner.

Ask him in a way that brings you pleasure to say it out loud. Don’t apologise when you ask remember – he wants to make you happy and this starts with a happy request and belief in yourself. Yes you are so totally worth it. Whatever it is.

Or maybe you want to go BIG with your ask – maybe you want to ask him out on a date. Or ask him to marry you?  Or ask for more than you think he can give – or wants to give? Don’t stop yourself: Share your desires with him to make your dream for your day or your dream for your life true for the ultimate relationship. You’re important – remember that.

Upgrade the relationship you have with him – look to him as your happy maker.

Men are amazing and if you ask him – “is it true what is says in this newsletter that you want to make me happy?” Be prepared for the man or men in your life to be surprised that you’d ask it! It’s obvious to him. I’d love to hear what he says!

Because he get’s turned on every time you share your turn ons with him. You bring him closer to you when you share your desires with him. Go on, I dare you! The more you share and ask in a way that is pleasurable, the more he will want to come into your world. Be that the world of putting out the bins or your world of big dreams. Far from holding onto him, he’ll want to hold you far into the night Goddess and far into the rest of your life. Because there is no greater thing than seeing your smiling face.

He wants to make you happy.

He just doesn’t know how.

So ask, ask, ask and watch him come into your world quicker than you trying to make him happy would ever do.

How do you keep him interested in you?  By finding your desires interesting and worthy of loving attention.  By sharing your precious beautiful wants with him daily and not being afraid that because of this you’ll push him away.  Quite the opposite – and it’s all in the way you ask.  Your tone of voice and the words you use have the power to push or pull him towards you.

You are sublime and so very beautiful. Remember this the next time you ask.

So…What are you going to ask him?  Tell me below, and know that we’re cheering you all the way!

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Feeling…Ugly?

Are you feeling…Ugly?  Take a breath…You’re wrong. You are so beautiful and I want every single woman who reads these words all across the world to feel it.

Your beauty has nothing to do with your hairstyle right now.

Your beauty has nothing to do with your stomach right now and how far it’s sticking out as you sit reading this.

…Your beauty has nothing to do with how much he loves you, how much she loves you, how much they could, should or need to love you.

Your beauty has everything to do with the way you feel.

It has nothing to do with the way you look.

fellinguglybigHow could it?

Beauty has to pour out from you.  You cannot look beautiful if you are not feeling it – you’ll just look like a fake.   I invite you to fall in love with the way you look right now, not when you lose weight, get a tan, look less tired …fill in the blank.

A few years ago I had a client who began my coaching program (with absolute gusto) – we’ll call her Vanessa; she was a lawyer and valued her mind waaay over her looks.  Her mind had gotten her everywhere and her looks had gotten her no-where.

And let me tell you during our coaching together as we got to the “body love” bit of the program she became utterly repulsed by the thought of giving any attention to her body which she thought was a sexist idea and completely un-spiritual.

She just wasn’t interested in “it” anymore, it didn’t get her anywhere, the way she looked only bought her problems, so better to file her beauty under the “not for now” department, we’re busy.

She admitted she shrank in the presence of beauty and felt less than the “beautiful” women in the office when they stood next to her.  Even though she reviled them in her head and told me in no uncertain terms this part of the coaching program was rubbish, we gently pressed forward because I knew that the more resistant a woman is to loving all of herself the bigger the gift she is hiding from.

Slowly she got to know herself; slowly she began to enjoy her body, just as it was.  I gave her some fun tools to put into her tool box and she began to notice herself for the first time.

And then something happened.

She started to like herself more, both inside and out – she began to enjoy herself more. She decided to get a new haircut.  She decided that the body she had been born with was right.  It was the perfect size, shape and colour for her.  As she slowly but surely began to fall in love with herself, she noticed her co-workers falling in love with the work she did, and the effort she put in.  Her husband started noticing her again and complimented her one morning on the way to work.

She began to care more for herself as she let the self doubt slip quietly away.

The day she decided she was beautiful was a monumentus one, because yes, it is a decision. No-one else can make it for you.

She decided she could have both the brains and the beauty.  She decided she was beautiful just the way she was.  She didn’t have to fight anymore with her body image, she didn’t have to put other women down or criticise them for what they wore or what they looked like.

She didn’t feel better or worse than the next woman.

She could stand next to the beautiful people at work and enjoy their company knowing that she was perfect just the way she is.

And that really is all there is to it.

If you didn’t doubt how you looked, if in fact you could boldly say to the mirror – I AM BEAUTIFUL and know it deep down – what would change for you?  Tell me in the comments below!

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