This is for YOU to create a future you (and your kids) are excited about after divorce!
When you live on your own after being with someone else it can be lonely, painful and exhausting…
“Will this ever end?”
You ask yourself. You are constantly exhausted and even though there are really good bits in your life, it’s fraught with high highs and low lows and nobody really understands it unless they’ve been there.
Well I used to be a single mum and I want you to know that no matter how alone you might be feeling right now, you are never on your own.
I’m right with you and I’ve written these articles below for you.If you’re loving these articles share the love on twitter!
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I Know What it’s Like to Struggle
April 5, 2012
We all struggle from time to time or for a long stretch of time in which we often feel stuck. Stuckety Stuck. Stuck in a money rut or stuck in a relationship rut. Stuck in a job you hate or just stuck full stop.
You might be struggling right now as you read these words. I used to struggle with making money; it used to wear me down so much – would I make rent each this week? I thought about this all-the-time, especially at night when my daughter was in bed.
I had deep shame around my lack of money. I also used to struggle with the loneliness as a single mum, which only further intensified the extreme anxiety that would shoot into my belly each time I looked at my bank account. Alone and poor. Alone and poor.
Where was the love of my life? Really, where was he? So I felt shame about not being in that relationship too, I felt sorry for my daughter. I had no car, no mobile phone and at one stage seriously thought; what’s the point of this all? It’s just all too hard.
Can I tell you something? Everyone has something to “get over.” Everyone. The people in your life may not look as if they do, but trust me they do. Maybe for you it’s money, maybe for you it’s to do with men, maybe for you it’s to do with your work, your business or finally committing to your life’s purpose?
Maybe you are struggling with an addiction to shopping, alcohol, drugs, working long hours or doubting yourself so seriously you never move? Not even an inch towards your dreams…Each one of us has a block to get over. What is it for you?
And do you feel ashamed about it?
99.9999% of the women that come to me feel ashamed about their deepest problems, just like I did.
You might feel that if only you could lose weight, he’d want to have sex with you again. There is your body shame.
You might feel that if only you could stop hurting yourself with that habit, life would be better. And you are right of course…and then there is the shame attached to that, that you are not there yet. Still struggling.
You might feel that it’s better to hide your money problems from the outside world. There is your money shame.
You might be embarrassed at how your husband treats you in front of guests. There is your shame about him.
Do you see how easily we shame ourselves for struggling with something that really hurts us? For not being enough in this area?
So we hide it, lest we get judged. But do you know who the biggest judger is of course?
So what to do?
Softly, softly, whatever you are struggling with, be it your relationship, money or just life in general – know this: There is no shame. Just your perceived shame. Everyone struggles sometimes. The difference is – are you going to be beat yourself up about it today? Are you going to go through it on your own without a hug or some real help? Softly, can you insert some real compassion in you, for you right now?
This will always lead to real change. It might mean you go find a money coach or a counsellor or a friend’s shoulder to lean on. If it’s me, I won’t judge you – I’ve been in your shoes or somewhere close I can guarantee you that. There is no shame in admitting you need help, everyone needs help sometimes.
Bring your shame up and out. Keeping it a secret makes it more powerful. Cry, get angry, feel the shame. Sit on your bed for 15 minutes and feel the shame of not getting it quite right. Your shame needs to be aired fully. You brave enough? When you allow your shame to come up, out and be finally felt, it will feel intense and just when you feel you can’t take much more of this feeling..it will dissipate. It just needs to be felt, that’s all. You will be left feeling more peaceful and you will have moved.
Be kind to yourself this week, and set a new tone for yourself in this area that is hurting you. You deserve it. Don’t let your shame get in the way of receiving exactly what you need.
Tell me how you plan to be kind to yourself this week? You so deserve it! Let me know in the comments below.
Are you just over it?
January 10, 2014
Aren’t you tired of all the trying and all the doing sometimes?
Over picking up socks from the F%$#&%G floor, over trying to make that relationship work, over being late all the time because YOU HAVE TOO MUCH ON- over settling arguments between your kids – whatever it is – it’s enough to send you MAD – mad I tell you! You doing it all and not being able to do it all can send your stress level to that of bonker – the bonkers level.
You’re bored. Over it. Done.
This is your great place to begin a new pattern for yourself – when you are very definitely, positively over and done with being exhausted all the time. Your resistance to change, to speaking up, to saying NO will be at it’s weakest, so shhhhh….whilst it’s sleeping, let’s make some changes, because the real you is talking now and we need to listen to her.
So what to do? Ok, pick any part of your life – pick the part of it that exhausts you the most.
Like you and work, you and your kids, you and your future, you and money, you and your ex, you and your boyfriend. It can be any part, the practical or a particular relationship.
Let’s do you and work together:
Start with what pisses you off about it.
List them and be honest:
*They don’t pay me enough
*The hours exhaust me so by the evening I don’t have the energy that my kids deserve
*My boss puts me down during work reviews when really he should be investing in me
*I’ve been passed over for promotion twice
The braver you are about how much this stuff pisses you off the more likely you are to take action. And that’s where we want you, we want you in situations that add to you. Being a single mum is hard enough as it is.
Take this NOT HOT list and take a good long look at it.
How long have you been putting up with each one?
Write days/months/years next to each. Where have you been subsisting on tid bits? What’s been the hardest part about this all? What would it do for you if you could turn this around?
Because if you’re like every single woman I have ever met – deep within you have big dreams. You yearn for more and if you delay your dreams – whatever they are you suffer inside. You’re going to get more and more resentful and that does not suit a woman like you.
So, ready to do some self-healing?
Get up and play an amazing piece of music you LOVE. It might be Madame Butterfly or Lady Gaga. I am in LOVE with Madame Butterfly at the moment, it just moves me. Now let the music carry you off into possibility and write the complete opposite of what you just wrote. Because YOU deserve it.
I desire a pay rise by the end of February.
I desire to be headhunted by June for an amazing job, with flexible hours, better pay and closer to home.
Write them all out and don’t stop until you feel emptied out of every single want for your heart.If you received a year of what you wanted – of what you just wrote – what would happen to you? How would you feel every day? How would you look? What would it give you?
Write a little ditty to yourself about this – truly – what would it do for you?
Why – why is this so important to you? And for your kids? What will they get if mummy is happy? The why is really important for your heart – it’s the “why” that will pull you through the tough times, the lack of faith, the past disappointments that stop you from really desiring – the why will keep you receiving and not blocking what you want.
And then…bit by bit tell somebody close to you your desires for your life and receive their support – it might be your mum, your best friend, it might be your therapist or coach. It doesn’t matter who it is – but it does matter that you don’t do this alone. Not this time. Too lonely. Close your eyes for a moment and ask your heart – if I knew I wouldn’t be disapointed this time and could have everything I wanted – what belief would I need to let go of? Who, what or where is my next little but huge step?
Then take it!
What belief do you need to let go of? I’d love to hear, leave me a comment below.
October 10, 2014
Listen to my New York Radio Interview about my co-authored #1 Bestselling book and mostly about being a single mum and how I got through it. (Press play & move your cursor to the 19.30min mark to start interview) Tell me – what do you do no matter what – to support your precious dreams each day?
The Guy I want for you
November 5, 2014
So this past month we’ve been talking about the 3 main types of guys who have the most to teach us – we’ve had S.G (Surface Guy), P.G (Potential Guy) hmmm….who do you think is the 3rd type of guy who has the most to teach us?
I give you numero 3 – f.g. – Final Guy.
And he has the most to teach us – because he breaks down our cold exterior hard shell that we’ve had to keep up to keep those other guys OUT! F.G. Final Guy. The sun sets with him and rises with him.
He looks at you and you melt. He is far gentler on you than you are on yourself. He would drop everything in a heartbeat for you and regularly does – unless you block him. He doesn’t perve after other women, leer at women or make you feel uncomfortable around other women.
In fact he does the opposite – he makes you feel like a Goddess when you’re around other women
and they often say to you how lucky you are and instead of thinking if only you knew like you did with those other guys? You go all soft and gooey and say with large saucer eyes, I know.
Because you do. You know this is your final guy. The guy you will set all standards to. The guy your friends internally set their standards to and the guy your children will set their standards to when they start looking for their very own beautiful relationship. And although you feel this way about him, Final Guy is humble – he doesn’t need to show off because he has nothing to prove. He is your hero. He wants to make you happy. He will sit for hours doing homework with your kids, or tinker on your pc to fix it even though he hasn’t really a clue. He does it because what’s important to you is important to him – because you are his No.1. He knows it and because he knows it, you know it. Deep, deep down in your heart.
And so you’re free from the worry and angst that used to permeate your relationships, and oh the insecurity! Ugh! Now you’re free to throw your head back and laugh with this man. Free to weirdly be yourself and utterly loved from your head down to your toes. He loves and adores you. He cannot wait to come home and see you. And boy does he see you! He really, really sees you. And you LOVE that!
He strengthens you, never weakens you and you’ve become twice the woman you once were since you met him.
You know this is final guy. Sure there may be guys after him – I mean who ever knows the future? But in your heart where the truth lives you know that this guy out of all of them has the most to teach you. And it’s been an absolutely pleasurable class – where instead of tears and lurching stomachs you’ve received love like never before. And the good news? It get’s stronger with each year. You reach new heights personally each year because of it. This man adds to you. The sun sets and rises with you and he thanks his lucky stars he met you. He’s your hero, lover and best friend all rolled into one. The MasterClass in Love has begun. May it never end.
Leave a comment below and tell me the most loving things your final guy does for you – we want to be inspired! Or what you know YOU deserve from him when you meet him…?
Dream a Little…
August 6, 2014
Dream a little…I have a gift for you You know when I was a single mummy I used to take myself away from the present moment…to dream a little. I used to dream of meeting the man of my dreams, of having a beautiful home that I owned and I used to dream that the…