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What do you do when your boundary has been met with anger?

Has anyone gotten really angry with you…because you just called a simple boundary?

Or massively overreacted to you for saying simply saying no?

And you’re in shock?

I mean they got really angry didn’t they?

They’ve shocked you with the strength of their venom. And they’re so angry with you!

And why?

Because you simply said no thank you. Not for me thank you.

The velocity with which they came back at you has shocked you.  Stung you. Hurt you.

What happens to you when you uphold a boundary and that person comes back at you with a HUGE amount of anger? Much bigger than the boundary you just set?

Do you get scared?  Give in?

I mean you’re allowed to say no aren’t you?  Call a boundary? Any time you want?  Why do they feel the right to bulldoze you like this right now?  Like you don’t matter?  Like they don’t care?

Just remember that the person who is angry with you right now IS the one with the problem.

If this has happened to you – you’re not on your own!

Here’s how you can help yourself out of shock and straight back into your power:

Firstly feel the shock. Don’t talk yourself out of it.  Close your eyes for 10 breaths and simply feel it.  The feeling will build inside of you and just when you think you can’t take it anymore you’ll reach the top of the shock hill, it will crescendo and then the feeling of shock will gently ebb away. It’s your body’s way of de-charging the physical event from itself.  Do this for as long as you need to.

Secondly what was their reaction?

In my experience there are 3 favourite reactions from those who are not ready to respect your boundaries:

1.  Angry Reaction – massive overreaction, violence, shouting, defensiveness, rejecting you, cutting off all ties from you, self righteous, self-absorbed, it’s all about how your boundary is affecting them.  This one can feel like a huge truck coming right at you!  They are making you wrong for their wrong! The angry reaction is designed to scare you.  It’s worked with others in the past. Is it going to work with you?  What if you just stood still?  Let them have their tantrum. Find support whilst it’s happening. After the dust has settled you’ll be leaning comfortably against your boundary. Well done, it’s there to protect you against bully’s like this. You did it!

2. Manipulative Reaction – apologises profusely says it’ll never happen again, becomes overly nice to you, suddenly becomes a Mrs or Mr Fakey Fake and says what you want to hear to get you off the scent that somethings not quite right here, though you can’t put your finger on it. This reaction is for a “nice” person to get their way by pretending they are just such a lovely person you see, and “you’ll do it for me won’t you?” This is the hardest one to spot, but you’ll feel like a sucker when you do.  Stick to your boundary and no matter how much they try to persuade you “nicely” to throw it away or use a big important reason, because they just “can’t” you see, (agree to your boundary)…say this to them.  One sentence will do. “Thank you for telling me how you feel, and thank you in advance for respecting my boundary.”  That’s it. Walk away.

3. Not Hearing Your Reaction – your boundary is invisible to them – they deliberately won’t hear you and bulldoze their point across until you buckle and accommodate.  Or at least that’s what they’re expecting. This one leaves you feeling utter despair as you watch them ignore you completely. The panic rises in you. You’ll feel anxiety and a powerlessness during the bulldozing I can’t hear you phase. But really, how utterly presumptive that you’re that weak little person who is going to say yes sir no sir, three bags full sir!  You’re nobodys’ doormat. STAND YOUR GROUND. Refer to No.1.

Goodness it’s enough to make you angry isn’t it?  Good! This is your protection to stop you from inviting this sort of person into your life for very long.

So, thirdly repeat after me:

Only somebody of a lower vibration would meet your boundary with disrespect, anger & resistance. Bless them, love them, but MOVE on!

So Stick to your boundary – and be proud of it!

Not everyone will like you for calling a boundary – but can you like yourself?  Even if their reaction makes you feel like the worst person on earth?  They’ve finally met someone they couldn’t bulldoze, couldn’t disrespect – and they’re not used to it.  So for now you are their teacher and they are yours.

What are they learning?  Not to make people wrong for calling a boundary.

What are you learning?  That your boundary is right for your level of self love and their lack of respect for your boundary is right for someone with their level of self love.  They are right for them and you are right for you.

They can either use your boundary to inspire a higher level of self-respect within themselves (the higher response) or it’s time for them to walk away and find others to grow with. It’s no longer you.

Someone told me this week that the planets up there have been giving us more light and in doing so?  The darkness in others has been more obvious than usual. Whether or not you believe in that, I do know one thing for certain:

The right people for you will respect you, your boundaries and your standards!

Has your clear beautiful boundary incited anger or ignoring from another?  Tell me in the comments below – what happened?  And what have you learned from it?

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  1. March 18, 2015

    Marina J – what can I say? This is EXACTLY what’s been happening to me! More of the ‘them not hearing what I’m saying’ scenarios and I’ve really been starting to think it’s all me. NO! – it’s all THEM!! – this has got me fired up!
    thank you Marina xox

    • March 18, 2015

      Oh this is fabulous Sue! You got me all fired up with your energy – I can feel it bouncing off the page!! Keep using this energy of realisation to make the changes that feel good to you – congrats! xx

  2. March 19, 2015

    I think that as long as you care more about being respected than being liked, their anger is easier to manage. I try and portray the boundary in a non-confrontational way whenever possible and that generally invites a nicer response! Xx

    • March 19, 2015

      Yes Suzy I think the headspace of respect does protect you more, but at the same time realise that no matter how you communicate your boundary – you are not responsible for their anger or violence or any way they choose to respond to you. How could you be?

      A boundary is just that – a level of respect. Their response tells you everything you need to know about the balance of respect in that relationship.

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