May 30, 2018
Sometimes my empathy can really get in the way of my self-respect – has that ever happened to you?
Have you ever made a decision that would lift up another person at the expense of yourself?
Recently I had this experience where I could so feel the vulnerability of another, that I let my self-respect S-L-I-D-E.
And then came my lightning bolt.
Every time I’ve dropped my self-respect in favour of empathy?
It’s NEVER worked out.
I mean never, ever, with sugar plums on top!
And you’d think it would what with that person getting everything from me. But these relationships? Don’t last for me.
Like the time I traded coaching sessions for a lovely service from a lovely lady that I wanted to help out. If I’m honest? Her service wasn’t great. My husband kept asking me, “Why are you doing this, this is not what you teach!” I would tell him, “Well she’s in a hard spot right now and I really want to help her…” My empathy over-rode my intuition and self-respect. By the end she’d created such a gorgeous life for herself… and me? Earth to Marina… This Is Your Wake Up Call… Are You Hearing Me?
So my Glitter Bomb of Healing is this today:
In your own life, notice, when you’ve dropped the curtain of self-respect in favour of empathy for someone – has it ever worked out for you?
*Sarah a mum of four regularly went to the gym, saw her life coach and was the first to say no thank you to something in favour of self-care. She was the poster child for self-respect in the eyes of her friends. Her life coach (a certain Marina J) issued her the above question.
She gasped! Oh My Goddess I do this all the time with my youngest! I have so much empathy for her – what with three older brothers that she’s stopped listening to me – like literally! She turns her back on me when I’m speaking to her! I’m not respecting me and neither is she…
Ah Goddess – it often happens for us sensitive types that we feel more for the other than for ourselves.
Use these 3 statements to stand up in self-respect again:
1. Nobody should treat me badly, regardless of how hard a situation is that they’re currently in. Contrast: If I was in their shoes, would I have disrespected someone in this way? (Often us empaths needs to ask this question to have our very own lightning bolt complete with glitter and sparkles.)
2. If I’m not allowed to demonstrate self-respect in this relationship along with empathy for you? You are not for me. Thank you for weeding yourself out.
3. Are you as invested in MY happiness as I am in yours?
When we women can feel another so much? We have to stay deliciously, ferociously disciplined in tending to our self-respect.
Where are you already ROCKING your self-respect DELICIOUS WOMAN?
With men? In business? In your friendships? With your children? With your family?
Notice that these area’s will have people in them who naturally respect and add to you (rather than drain you) and make you go ZING!
Could you take your high standards in these area’s and now put them towards an area that’s been lacking for you?
Because if you’re already disco dancing on one dance floor? You can DANCE on ANY floor!
And whilst you’re at it? TATOO this on your decision making brain:
My Self-Respect = Is My Highest Outcome When I Feel Empathy For You!
I wish for you to have the kind of people around you who warm you, lift you UP, cherish you and treat you with the utmost care.
From one woman to another, your self-respect makes you all the more beautiful to those souls who want amazing relationships with you.