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marina j, marina j coaching for relationships, he's a big fat fake

What kind of men have you let into your life?  As your lovers? Bosses? Friends?

When I look back, the ones that have hurt me are the ones who had the most to teach me – about the relationship I was having with myself.

I was talking to a friend last week and she said: “Why don’t you write about the 3 main types of men who have the most to teach us women?”

So I give you Numero Uno:  Surface Guy (S.G)

S.G is the kind of guy you like. I mean really like. He’s gorgeous – he’s got everything you want, and he’s a bit of a catch if you’re honest. And…on the surface yes he is. He’s probably swanning about some office right now garnering pure unadulterated admiration.

Everybody loves this guy!  And they tell you in passing how lucky you are to be with him – they think life with him must be so peachy – with him as your boss, or with him as your lover or close friend…and if he is your lover? They even go as so far to tell you “I wish my husband was like yours!” 

And it dawns on you. Damn! I’m just not feeling it! I want to roll my eyes when people say this – if only they knew! This man is everything everyone wants him to be! But underneath what he says to everyone?

  • He says one thing and does another (I’ll be home soon) and isn’t.
  • Hurts you deeply but manages (again) to somehow come out on top. How does he do this?
  • He actually gives you very little when you think back because he’s all talk see?  And no action.
  • He treats you well on the surface but in reality takes advantage of your giving nature, and isn’t there for you like you’re there for him.
  • He always get’s his needs met.  Him 1st. You? Mostly last.

He’s a big fat fake.

But only you know.

You’re just his cushion to fall back on at night.  And boy aren’t you squashed?

hotguy_bigSo what can this guy teach us?

1.That fake behaviour towards you can only come in through the front door when it’s a match for your internal home of emotions. (ie he can only be fake when you are fake towards yourself.)  And how are you fake with yourself?  By overiding your true raw feelings with “it’s alright, he’s got a lot on his plate right now” or whatever balm you put over your hurt. So S.G teaches you that he couldn’t possibly do this to you if you weren’t already doing it inside.

2. That you are worth the kind of man you used to dream of – hell yeah!

3. To make a stand for yourself – tell him how his behaviour really makes you feel and act upon it. Stick to your guns, because it’s here you honour yourself no matter what he says.  It’s here that you are willing to go for what you really want and so deserve this lifetime. And it’s going to feel both liberating and yes scary.

But you’ll be free!

Once you are genuine with how things really affect you, this man is free to become the man you always knew he could become.  Or the sexiest most gentle guy with your heart can come along because when you open your front door?  He’ll be a match for your gentleness with yourself.

Everything is possible when you are honest with how he really makes you feel. 

S.G’s know how to make you happy, on the surface. If that’s all you want? Puuuurfect! It’s a match. But if you really want the kind of love you used to dream about and know is possible and know you deserve?  Thank this S.G for the lesson.  I know I did.  It’s given me the marriage I have today.  The gift becomes bigger than the hurt and voila! You did it!

You learnt how to become real with yourself within a relationship. 

And that’s how you get real love.

And umm..what’s the second main type of man who has the most to teach us?  Ahh it’s a P.G.  Any guesses??  Keep a look out, he shall be revealed!!

And whilst we’re waiting, I’m curious – what’s been the biggest lesson you’ve learnt from these men you’ve let into your life?

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